My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
