Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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