She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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