ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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