I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
