i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
