I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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