I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
