It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
