Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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