How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
