my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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