My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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