I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
