I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
