you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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