DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
