I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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