I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
