Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
