did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
