There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FUCK WHALES
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
