"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
