His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
