So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
