You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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