I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
