After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
