This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
