Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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