handjob tips. give me some.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
