I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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