All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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