the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
