my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
