Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
