Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
