Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
