Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
