I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
