did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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