so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
