So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
