I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
