4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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