what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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