It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
