Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
