birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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