I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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